Ungarbled. What I meant was: Freezing.

If I had known what was to come I may have staid put.  I would have remained stagnant, even though I always felt stagnant , like an island bog festering with crustaceans and anemone.  However I wanted to try to make money.  Money to give to my mother who I am alone in the world with.  I date and have dated.  In tradition women often find a financial partner as well as a romantic one but such traditions has evaded me.  Perhaps because I am a brute, too seemingly independent, tough and cruel at times.  But I ache for a true partner in life.  One that will really help me pull the reigns and someone whose consoling is just as powerful as mine in my time of need.  Someone who hasn't felt the warm comforts of a tight knit family and reserves their care and support for them in an incestuous tangling of snakes. .  I want sometime who is a loner too.  Someone who has no one to give to but their mother and can give to me as I give to her... and in turn I give them more.   More than they've ever known.  Alas, these are the things of movies .. dramas.. that two lone people, two truly alone people- find solace in each other.