I found out that the love of my life thus far is planning to travel the United States with another girl.  My body feels hollow and my appetite is gone.  For right now this is buried above ground and i'm hoping, dying for a way out of the pain and abandon that I feel inside.  It is small and there are far worse things to endure.

David

David, saw you slither in.

David, made my den a sin.

David, all up on my skin.

David, set me on fire.

David, watch my torso blow,

Into a bloody stinking hole

and painful spot I wish would go in between two fiery gates...

VOID.

What land is our land

THEY SAY!

Is theirs?

THEY SAY!

How elementary they sound, when they say it.

The land they raped and took, the land they sought and pillaged and milked and scraped every corner, every vein they slit and watched run... dry..

How do I have an appreciation? How do I seek an education? Of the land that is theirs that was mine?

it all.

Nothing worse than the torment

and torture that comes with being small..

maybe worse is that you remember it all

no better than the punched hole in your bedroom wall

is the hole in in your torso

where you feel it all.

Of being little, and being small.

There was nothing worse than all of it all, running the block and a smashing down fall, the burning of sun and the rushing of blood and a stinging of pain and ohhhh just of it all, of being so small.

The backyard adventure, the under-the-sheet the ice cream bowl and the playtime mystique-

of being so small..

of being so small..

of being so helpless,

of feeling...

it,

all...

Dazzling Gleam

In her eyes you could see the bright dazzling gleam of candy wrappers and freshly bleached linens. Her teeth shined pearly white and there something almost terrifyingly beautiful about how pleated and clean pressed her skirt was, but she asked if she could sit down next to me, 5 minutes before Chemistry 210 started. That was so unbelievably odd and strange to me! Never did a girl this pretty want to talk to me in school! I was Joan, a girl that was considered plain, fairly square and studious. There wasn't anything "special" about me, people would say. Except for now, I suppose! Now that this girl was in my life perhaps things would start to change. All in a matter of seconds I imagined me and this girl shopping for clothes together, she would teach me how to apply makeup and how to be tan, sparkling, gorgeous and bright blonde just like her.

"Hi," she said, "My name is Pamela, Pamela Scott." she said with gleaming smile.

"Uhm.. H-Hello!" I managed to stutter, "I'm Joan Dietz.

There she was! Talking to me! Now my thoughts were spinning! I sat there with my large round puppy dog eyes admiring her eyes and her dazzling blonde bouffant hair all concluded into a buoyant blonde ponytail, fasted with a beautiful aquamarine ribbon to match her skirt...

"Well, I was just wondering if I could borrow a pencil, I seem to have left purse at home." she inquired, hastily.

"Oh! Sure thing! ", I said, each tiny word dripping with interest and desperation. I removed my backpack from my shoulders and rummaged through my things in frustration. There say Pamela Scott next to me, the friend of my every day dream. The friend of my dreams who take my pencil, a token of friendship and show me the ropes of being beautiful, blonde and social. Finally I had located a No. 2 worthy enough of Pamela's grip, but when my head returned to Pamela's attention I noticed she had already started a new conversation with another classmate!

"Uhm.. Pamela?" I said, timidly.

"Oh, hey. " Pamela turned her head to mine as I held out the No 2 with a shaky hand.

"Oh, thanks but I just got one Denise."

Pamela returned her attention to Denise, a popular girl in a red dress, and there it went, all my hopes and desires of the new girl siphoning me into a world I had always hoped to be in. A world where I was beautiful and envied, sparkling and dazzling and not plain! I didn't notice it but I had dropped the No 2 on the ground and I didn't care so I reached into my backpack and retrieved a sheet of loose leaf and a No 2 that had been almost devoured with teeth marks, and I began to write this story...

"In her eyes you could see the bright dazzling gleam...