I'm watching this movie called Powder Blue and just saw a transgender prostitute shoot himself after asking "Whose going to love me (something in Spanish)"
Long story short: I feel that.
I've lost hope in thinking that anyone will find me worthwhile. I don't have shit to offer anyone. I don't even have credit, christ.. sometimes I get out of the house and I get drunk and I think "hey the doors of life are opening suddenly for me and a whole new world of shit is going to come flying in all golden gates, clouds rising and bubbles in the air!" Then I realize that I am drunk and these people are just hung up on the same old people they've always been hung up on and tomorrow morning i'll be trying to start anew, finding myself.. on a whole new bender.. traveling space in my mind from the brink of my sofa and greasing the creative thought wheels by slicing out tiny portions of dim transmission that arrive to me in the late hours where i'm forever stumbling internally (. ah god..), forever wondering and surfing the great cosmic landscape that is all but one great human psyche ebbing and flowing. It is a grand thing that some of us are driving cars and some of us are in bed for days and others are making music while some are painting pictures and then every so often someone goes ahead and tries to tie it all together all for the sake of keeping sane.. it all makes sense, it really does.. go make yourself a sandwich.
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